I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
