You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
