the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
