How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
