i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize