were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
