Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
