stop calling my apartment porn island.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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