look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
