Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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