I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I got her a Nickelback box set.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
