I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
