Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
