She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
