I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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