Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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