at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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