I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
