Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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