During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
