you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
