My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
