dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You dont lie about slip and slides
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
