somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I love you.
Bad choice
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
