Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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