I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
