woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
