last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
