shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
