I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
