Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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