If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
