I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
