OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
