did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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