I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
