Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
