Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We just shotgunned beers for America
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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