Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
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Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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