new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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