Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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