The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
