Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
