Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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