pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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