This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
