Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
