Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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