So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
