Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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