yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
