oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
