porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
