dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
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Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
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Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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