I wish my penis had an off switch
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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