so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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