what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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