that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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