tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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