I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
