Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
