Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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