none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
