so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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