I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
