he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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