she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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