You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
