Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
