I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
