His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
