butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
