Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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